23

"Sometimes you’re 23 and standing in the kitchen of your house making breakfast and brewing coffee and listening to music that for some reason is really getting to your heart. You’re just standing there thinking about going to work and picking up your dry cleaning. And also more exciting things like books you’re reading and trips you plan on taking and relationships that are springing into existence. Or fading from your memory, which is far less exciting. And suddenly you just don’t feel at home in your skin or in your house and you just want home but “Mom’s” probably wouldn’t feel like home anymore either. There used to be the comfort of a number in your phone and ears that listened everyday and arms that were never for anyone else. But just to calm you down when you started feeling trapped in a five-minute period where nostalgia is too much and thoughts of this person you are feel foreign. When you realize that you’ll never be this young again but this is the first time you’ve ever been this old. When you can’t remember how you got from sixteen to here and all the same feel like sixteen is just as much of a stranger to you now. The song is over. The coffee’s done. You’re going to breath in and out. You’re going to be fine in about five minutes."

{via Kalyn}

Sometimes words just hit you, really hard. I read this little passage one night, and I just instantly was moved. Moved with this feeling of thank God, i'm not the only one stuck in this utterly confusing state of where i belong and who i am and who i was and who i will be, and what the hell do i want from life.

I'm not sad all the time. I'm really, really happy. And really really blessed. That's what makes the confusion that hits me so hard sometimes because I don't know why it's happening. But as I talk to more people about it, and read passages like this, I become hopeful that it's a beautiful thing and it's normal.

A wise women {my amazing mother of course} passed on some advice to me "Thank God you are a woman who FEELS feelings. Some people don't. I feel sorry for them. I decided to be in love with my emotions". It reminds me of this quote I posted about awhile ago. 

These are beautiful things, feelings.

A little side note: I stumbled across that first passage on tumblr and new I wanted to share it. But I thought it was extremely important to find the original source. After googling a bit, I found Kalyn's blog and asked if she was indeed the author. She was grateful that I wanted to check. A nice reminder that we should be careful about what we share, and how we share. Peoples art, no matter what the form, is sacred to them and special. It's hard with all of corners people cut on the internet, but we should always do our best to find sources.